Dogs, the bottom line

Snarling, growling, drooling saliva and yanking at her chain I’m sure she wanted to get her jaws around my throat and tear me apart like a rag doll. Streptococci, staphylococci, pasteurella and stuff I can never spell like capnocytophagia canimorsus that mutt is a living chemical weapons factory. Man’s best friend? I say run! If it bites your leg amputate it, if it licks your face, God knows, you may end up looking like Hillary – and I’m not even mentioning Lyme’s and Lepto, not to mention a host of parasites, flukes, flagellates and rabies. You say dogs are great company, yes, they are social animals – but so are hyenas and Donald Trump, they get together around the watering hole every Friday night and plan mass murder on the African savannah, I don’t necessarily want his butt-lickin cousin as my friend. Getting back to the subject, you say dogs are useful – they are used by police to sniff out drugs and they can even treat mental illness. Well Prozac is actually cleaner and safer, and it doesn’t wet the carpet. As for drugs, I can detect drugs at 450 yards – like every time I take walk on Parliament Hill.
What to do if you are unfortunate enough to get bitten? Well, remember that dogs lick their ass and therefore carry an array of pathogens second to none. Wash the wound well and get down to your least favourite doctor for an antibiotic or preferably a cocktail of antibiotics. You could get septicaemia, osteomyelitis, septic arthritis, tenosynovitis, cellulitis and even meningitis unless you have an immune system. That’s where my argument falls down, since dogs were first domesticated over 14,000 years ago human beings have actually developed their immune system in harmony with their panting friend. It seems people who live with dogs get fewer infections than those who don’t, and live ever so slightly longer. it did occur to my mind that the sons of ‘female dogs’ could actually be shortening the life span of non-dog owners, but overall, it seems these lively little leg huggers aren’t so bad after all. So this year we actually got one of these little vermin, his name is Charlie and he’s a chihuahua. Ya and he snarls and drools and yanks his chain when he sees you because he’s dying to get a pat or a tummy scratch, go ahead, at your own risk and don’t say you weren’t warned.